


the sparks filled with hope

by afanwhodreams



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Family, Fluff I guess, M/M, abuse mention, self-harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 14:10:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8252003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afanwhodreams/pseuds/afanwhodreams
Summary: Aaron, Robert and Liv spend the day together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)  
> Well, this is something I wanted to try. I'm trying to write more in English. It's hard but worth it.  
> I want to thank Sarah (aarons-sweaterpaws) for all her help. You're amazing. Thank you. :)
> 
> The title is from the song 'Flares' -The Script.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Ceci :)
> 
> Tw: There are mentions of the abuse and self-harm from Aaron's storyline.

“You’ll find a way to let them go”, Robert said.

 Aaron wants to believe him ― he’s never wanted anything more. Just to let all those memories go. Just to live one day without that sick feeling in his stomach. All he wants is to be free of them. At least for one day.

 It has always been there. That feeling. Every single day of his life, since he was eight years old. It sounds like an exaggeration, he knows that. If he was to say that to someone, that he remembers it every day, he knows they won’t believe him. They probably wouldn’t say it, but they would think it. “It’s just an exaggeration”, they would think. “A manner of speaking”.

 Except it’s not. It’s real. Every single day.

 Some days, it happens more than once. He would think about it for hours. Remembering the details. Repeating the words over and over again in his head. He remembers all of it. He won’t ever forget.

 Other days, it would be just for a second. A shiver. A shadow in the back of his mind. A lump in his throat. The thought doesn’t even take the form of a memory. It’s just a feeling in his chest that makes him stop for a second, sometimes less than that, before he would continue doing what he was doing. Like it was normal. Like it was a part of him. Because it was. It is.

 For years, it was just that. A bad memory, a bad feeling. Sometimes, a bad dream. He would wake up in the middle of the night, half asleep but somehow thinking he was ten and his father was on the other side of the door. And for an instant, he would feel sick.

 But the moment that he saw Gordon again, the memories hit him with a force that almost put him out of balance. All his word was reduced to ashes. He was an eight-year-old boy again ― helpless, alone, and scared.

 In his head, he couldn’t stop the noise. The whisper of the door when someone opened it. The footsteps of his father in the dark. The squeaking of his bed when a new weight rested in it…

 A tornado of thoughts.

 They wouldn’t stop.

 He _needed_ them to stop.

 And he knew how to make them stop, even if it was just for a second. Even if the silence lasted only the time needed for the knife to cut his skin. For those few instants it would stop. Silence. _Relief_.

 Telling everything to Robert. To his mum. To the police. At the trial. It made it all worse. But it was necessary. All those memories were eating him from the inside and he was about to explode. When he said it, when he let it all out, he felt relief. A different kind of relief. One that didn’t last for only a second, but was more permanent. It was a wall he had up, trying to stop all those memories from wandering through his mind. But it was a wall with holes, because he still felt sick, every day. Still he didn’t feel free. 

 “You’ll find a way to let them go”, Robert said after the trial. And if he is honest to himself, things had started get better. It took him a few weeks, but now he can sleep without nightmares. He still wakes up in the darkness, but the horror would last for only a second, before he felt Robert’s warmth beside him, and he’s filled with a peaceful feeling.

 He’s still thinking about it every day though. Just like before. Sometimes, just for a second. Other times, it’s a feeling that would be with him for an entire day. That hasn’t changed and he doesn’t think it ever will.

***

 A warm sensation covers his face and he can see the light of the sun through his closed eyes. He feels Robert’s body against his back and a gentle kiss on his neck.

 “Morning”, Robert says, his voice full of sleep.

 Aaron smiles and turns around, tucked between Robert’s arms, his eyes still closed.

 “Let’s spend the day in bed”, he whispers, leaning forward until he feels Robert’s neck against his mouth. He places a kiss there before burying his face in Robert’s shoulder.

 “As much as I would love that ― and, believe me, I _really_ would”, Robert says, mouth close to Aaron’s ear, “Liv will be waiting for us”.

 A sound escapes through Aaron’s throat.

 “Tell her I’m sick. We can go tomorrow”, he says. He knows it won’t happen. They have promised Liv to take her fishing, and they will. He only wants to enjoy a few more minutes in bed with his boyfriend, pretending like they’ve got all day ahead to explore each other’s body all over again.

 Robert knows that, so he plays with him. “Yeah?”, he kisses his cheek. “And… what… do… I… tell her… you… ‘ve got?”. A little pause between each word, kissing his nose, his eye lids, his forehead, his lips.

 Aaron gasps. “A _really_ hot boyfriend who needs my attention”, he answers. He leans in and kisses Robert’s mouth, properly this time. Their tongues move with no hurry ― warm and full of laziness. They kiss for a few long minutes, lips and tongues and saliva dancing slowly against each other.

 When they break apart, it’s only a few centimetres. Aaron finally opens his eyes. He finds Robert staring at him, smiling.

 “Hi” Robert whispers. He is so close that Aaron can feel his breath on his face.

 “Hey”, he smiles back.

 Robert places a hand on his cheek. “What do you say if we go downstairs, have some breakfast, and go do what we had planned?” he proposes. “And we save _this_ ” he gestures between them and then the bed “for tonight.”

 “I don’t even like fishing” Aaron groans, his arms wrapped around Robert’s waist, keeping him close.

 “I thought you told me you’ve never tried it?” Robert points out.

 “I haven’t ― but I know I'll hate it!”

 Hours and hours just sitting there, staring at the lake is not his sort of thing. If it wasn’t because Robert and Liv were coming with him, there’s no way he would go. But the thought of spending the day with his sister and his boyfriend ― even if it’s doing something as boring as finishing― is exciting, he’s got to admit it. Especially since Liv has become really good recently at ‘having a teenager attitude’ that apparently consists of spending as little time as possible with her family. Yet even she looked excited when Robert proposed going fishing together, and Aaron wouldn’t dare waste the opportunity to spend an entire day with his little sister.

 “Come on” Robert pulls away to stand up. Aaron instantly hates the distance between their bodies, with a cold feeling in his chest caused by the lack of warmth from Robert.

 With a sigh, he gets up too.

 

A short while later, Aaron finds himself sat, in the cold, by the lakeside, watching the hours tick by.

 “This is _so_ boring” Liv cries.

 They’ve spent almost two hours sitting there. Their rods are as still as they were an hour ago.

 “I remember it being more fun” Robert admits.

 “When was the last time you did this?” Liv’s voice sounds spiritless. She is sitting leaning forward, elbows on her knees and looking as bored as she sounds.

 “I used to do it all the time as a kid and I loved it!” Robert pauses, before adding, “Well, it seemed fun at the time but I never actually spent it like this…”

“You mean _actually fishing_?” Liv accuses, feeling like he’d betrayed her when he’d said it would be fun.

 “I was a kid!” Robert defends himself. “I preferred to climb some rocks or go into the water to find crabs!”

 This draws Liv’s attention and she raises her head.

 “Can we do that? Search for some crabs?”

 “Are you crazy? It’s freezing!” Robert exclaims.

 But Liv is already removing her shoes.

 “You told me we were going to have some fun, and _this_ is boring as death! So now, you owe me. Come on!”, she urges.

 Robert turns to Aaron, who has kept silent throughout the conversation.

 “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

 “You _did_ promise her she would have fun” Aaron reminds him.

 Robert rolls his eyes, but then he starts removing his own shoes. Liv is already on the shore by the time he’s done.

 “You not coming?” he asks Aaron.

 “Nah, I’m fine, thanks”. A grin appears on Robert’s face. “What?” the question comes out defensive, as if Robert had accused him of something.

 “Oh, go on, say it. You _are_ enjoying this, aren’t you?”

 Aaron frowns. “Good luck” he says, pointing with his head in the lake’s direction, but he doesn’t deny it.

 He would never admit it to Robert ― not after having teasing him for days about this ― but he is enjoying it. He likes how quiet it is, and the fact that he’s waiting for something. It’s exciting, even if it only requires staying sat still for hours. He’s enjoying his company ― a lot.

 Robert and Liv both have their trousers rolled up and walk into the water together. “Here, look!” Liv yells, but when Robert leans forward to have a better look, she throws water at him with her hand, laughing.

 “Oh, so that’s how you wanna play it! All right then”, Robert says before using both hands to create a little wave in Liv’s direction, making her t-shirt soggy.

 “Oi!” Aaron calls, standing up. “Are you mental? You’re gonna make her sick!”

 “Don’t be boring” Liv says, throwing more water at Robert. But Aaron is already on the edge of the lake, his shoes almost touching the water. “Get out” he tells Liv.

 “It’s just a bit of water!” Robert exclaims.

 “Robert, it’s freezing! And we haven’t brought more clothes to get changed into!”

 “All right, all right” Robert raises his hands, giving up. “We’re going.”

 Robert starts walking back to the shore, his clothes, now wet, making the task more difficult. Liv follows him. “Gimme a hand, would ya?”, she holds out her hand to Aaron, who takes it without thinking twice. He probably wouldn’t have done it otherwise. Liv pulls, stronger than he expected, and Aaron finds himself submerged, the water splashing in all directions around him. The cold paralyzes him for a second and he can feel it getting in to every pore of his skin.

 When he gets his head out of the water, he can see Robert opening his eyes really wide and raising his eyebrows in shock. Liv is evidently trying not to laugh.

 “I’m gonna kill you” Aaron says, and Liv only has time to let out a little scream, before he’s holding her up on his shoulders. She tries kicking him, but is laughing too hard to do any damage, enabling Aaron to throw her into the water, away from the lures.

 “Thought you didn’t want her to get her clothes any wetter!” Robert laughs. Aaron turns to him, mischief painted in his eyes. Robert moves back a little. “I didn’t do ―” he doesn’t have the opportunity to finish his sentence. Aaron wraps his arms around Robert’s neck, pulling both of them into the water.

 “I hate you” Robert says when they emerge, both of them shaking with the cold, before he leans in and gives Aaron a quick kiss, grinning.

 

 They end up getting back to the Woolpack hours before they planned. Liv gets in the shower first, followed by Aaron and Robert spending almost an entire hour in the shower together. When they finally emerge from the bathroom, Liv has already done one of her disappearing acts, allowing Robert to make the decision to spend the rest of the afternoon in bed, pleasing his boyfriend in the way he had promised.

 “Tell me the truth” Robert says as they lay together in the darkness. Both of them are almost ready to sleep, but they still lie tangled up with on each other, trying to lengthen the moment. “Did you enjoy today?”

 Aaron looks up into his eyes. “'Course I did! We should do it again sometime ― well…” he frowns, “not the fishing, but spending the day together. Just the three of us.”

 Robert smiles. “We’re going to regret having spent half an hour in the lake tomorrow, aren’t we?”

 “Probably”, a playful smile appears on Aaron’s face. “But, if we get sick, at least we’ll have an excuse to spend the day in bed”.

 “Since when did you become so greedy?” Robert laughs before leaning in, giving Aaron a slow but passionate kiss.

 

 It’s not until the next morning that Aaron realizes. He wakes up, the sunlight streaming in trough the curtains. For a moment, he feels that sick feeling in his stomach again. But then he feels Robert’s breath against his shoulder, and he’s jolted back to the present. He closes his eyes again. It’s too early yet to get up. And that’s when he realises. He didn’t think about it yesterday. Not once. Not for a second.

 Yesterday was the first time since he was eight years old that he didn’t think about it. Not a thought. Not even the slightest feeling that he had become so used to. Nothing.

 He knows that yesterday was an exception. He knows that this doesn’t mean he will stop thinking about it. He won’t forget and he never will. Maybe it will be a year before he has another one of these days where he is completely free of those memories. But maybe ― only maybe ― there will come a time when the days that he _does_ think about it will be the exception.

 “You will find a way to let them go”, Robert had said. Although Aaron feels far away from that yet, for the first time, he’s just starting to believe it’s possible.


End file.
